Moving forward

Haaayyy...

2017 was the last time since I fell in love with some random bagets. I received my self love. Climbed my way to the top. And guess what. Still broke. And now ... Broken. 

Kasi... Ok na nga ako for 7 years na heartless. Manhater. Naniwala pa rin ako. 

If I could just unlove him. But for now I really can't. I wanted to believe na babalik sya at tinotopak lang. Pero hindi eh. Ewan. Ayoko syang ijudge. Pero sana wag naman iwanang hanging. 

I hate this feeling. I dont wanna feel this shit like I felt a decade ago. 

I already in love with myself pero bakit ganito ulit?  Well at first parang I am the only one who keeps pushing this through. Not even my fflamily and friends. I don't feel the support in this kind of relationship. Yung tipong kakasimula pa lang these people you loved and you always cared were waiting for this to happen... Yung SABI KO NAMAN SAYO... BATA KASE... Parang magchicheer pa sila pag umiyak ka. 

Yes I have a golden heart. Ganun ata ako kaprecious sa kanila. Kaya parang bawal ako jumowa? Eh ayoko na naman. Pero I will not entrust this golden heart to a person na hindi deserve. 

Why do I feel this way. Parang wala akong matakbuhan kasi nga... GINUSTO MO YAN JEFFREY. MAGTIIS KA. 

Nagkakagnato lang naman ako pag alam mo na. Financially unstable. 

Parang ewan. 

Last year I lost 3 important persons in my life. Si Kuya Edward, si Milo, si Benok. And just like that. Am I loosing the most important person this time? 

Kahit stressed napakasaya ko nyan. Kasi my brain is telling that will be doing this every year. Na part na sya ng family. Kahit ayaw nila. Ipipilit ko. Kasi naniwala ako eh. So ayokong bumalik sa dati na ako na lang pala pumitpilit. We even talked about marriage. Thats very surreal pero sa lahat ng naging partner ko sya lang nakausap ko. Syempre naniwala ako. I dont know. 

Will I be this happy again? I dont know.